A Riot In Me

I went to school and I wanted to get myself registered for Form 6. I told the teacher that I got accepted to government matriculation but I wanted to go for Form 6. Start lah the teacher bagi advice....why you wana go Form 6? Everyone's dying to get a spot in matrics.... Matrics is easier and with my results, I can get a spot in one of the best Unis like MU. (okay, that did interest me) Form 6 is hard and doesn't guarantee a spot in Uni. Sighs....feel so bummed. And to think that my results can actually get me a JPA scholarship or a MARA scholarship. But the thing is.....I don't want to. (yeah, i sound stupid saying this.)

I went home and went straight to my room and cried a little. I feel so....pressured and lost cos I'm back at square one again! And I don't have much time to decide whether I want to go for matrics or not. And if I do.....I'm not prepared to leave Kuching. I'm not prepared to leave my family, my friends...and most of all, the guy that I am so deeply in love with. (Just to let you know, I did not decide to go Form 6 because of him alright? I had a crush on him after I decided to go Form 6.) These are the reasons I'm crying.

Anyway, with the little time that I have to cry in my room, my mom suddenly told me to get ready for the MARA open interview. And I was like....how am I gonna go for an interview in this state of mind??? I changed again and calmed myself down and smiled like nothing ever happened. My mom won't even suspect a thing and no one will know. (apart from the people reading this blog, that is) I stopped myself from thinking all those depressing things and went on my way to Bangunan Yayasan. Turns out, the interview was more like promoting Kolej Twintech. And they don't even offer me the courses that I want. I mean.....computer science and accounting for a girl who intends to do Physics?? huh! NEVER!!

Back at square one and not really sure of what to do....that feeling sure sucks! Now, I'm thinking of going Swinburne. Really. Makes my life so much easier. The thought of going Matrics just makes me wana cry even more..... I don't want to!! And I feel like and idiot.... And I don't usually cry. God I need You right now....