Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Watchu Looking At??

The other day I did mention I ate lunch at Madam Tang's. Well....there's so many pondans working there!!! Eeeewwwww...... The worse part is, they kept staring at me. I know wherever I go people will look at me lah...cos of my hair. There's this one time I went to Secret Recipe and there were people admiring my hair. And at Lam's Place....also the same thing. Kinda got used to it already.

But these pondans? They're different. Why? Cos they STARED not look....STARED!!! My goodness.....I felt so uncomfortable. Clearly, they're jealous but.....don't stare until like that mah. I don't think I'll be going there again.....

Window Shopping

Last night I went to The Spring with my two sisters. My sis wanted to buy a modulator for the Kelisa cos our Kelisa's radio's not functioning. Well, we were considering a modulator or something to plug in my iPod to the car. Cos it's gonna be a long ride to Sri Aman... 3 hours. Can't go without music.

At Spring, I saw Shaun, ah Phael's cousin. Haha....wanted to say "Hai" but....I decided that I'm lawa so I didn't. =P

We went to Switch, the authorized reseller of Apple products. I saw what I wanted, something to plug in my iPod and it charges the iPod at the same time. costs RM300++. Sighs......something so cool but so expensive. Huargh!! I want it...... time lah...when I already kerja.

The we went to another shop. Forgot the name... Saw a speaker for iPod. Doesn't charge it but okay larh....and it only costs RM39. But when we tried it, it wasn't loud and the sound quality just isn't there. So ended up buying a modulator and try whether can put iPod or not. If not just use USB lah. And I saw really cheap earphones. There's one....kononnya got Bass Boost but when I tried it on my iPod, all I hear was the guitars and no bass and the vocals were totally unheard! What to expect from an RM8 earphone anyway? Haha. Then I tried this China brand one. Slightly more expensive and it says "super bass". It's good. Can hear the bass, the vocals, the guitars....everything. It costs me a nice RM16. Not too bad....

After that we went off to Padini Autentics. favourite shop and the ONLY shop I would go to when at the Spring. Cos besides PA, there's Vincci. Aiyoh.....I fell in love with a dress. And I do have an urge to buy it but it's expensive!! RM196.90 Sighs.....And...I don't think it will suit most of my style but I really like it!! I love hustle when wearing cos it's just one piece. And I fell in love with a pair of shoes at Vincci. It's heels. I really wana try heels this time. Hehe....and those heels are something that I can match with most of my clothes. So I think I'll be getting those heels. =) Now this is what I call love at first sight!!

After having a hard time leaving that place (cos my sis kept asking me,"ready or not??"), we went off to Big Apple to buy donuts. And again....I saw Shaun but pretended I didn't see him. And I know he saw me and I saw him taking out his handphone. And I should be expecting a message. And true enough, I got a message from him. Swt... How he got my number? He got it from Ralph. I don't really like people giving my number but....since I know Shaun, it's okay. And he thought my sis was my mom. =.=" I told my sis and she was like...again?? Well, at least he apologized after that.

Hmmm.....modulators don't work with iPods.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Chad Blondel's Concert

Overall, I liked the concert cos his singing....totally awesome! It's perfect! The skill!! And looks.... =P At first I was just admiring his skills then I noticed his face....not too bad. Heheh.... Oh! And before the concert started, I saw a guy who has the kind of looks that I like. However, didn't see him again after that. Oh well...that's not my purpose for going to the concert anyway. I'm there to have fun in the Lord!!

The kekurangan of this concert is that....there's no lyrics!! How are we going to worship God comfortably when we don't even know the lyrics? I feel that it's more like worldly concert than a Christian one. And as a song writer, I'd like to know the lyrics. Anyways, I went there to worship the Lord!!'s fun though. I was basically screaming and clapping and jumping......even head banged! I was with my youth group and I found Pam. Haha.... We put our arms around our shoulders and head banged together. Ahh.....sama palak. =) I think my youth group's the craziest of all on the right side. HAha!! Especially the guys.... Really know how to enjoy themselves. Come to think of it...We should be in front leading everybody to jump and praise the Lord with the crazy things we can do....Haha!!

His songs are awesome! The rock songs...wah!! I like all the chord progressions. Wish I could make a song like that. Haha....but I'm just a budding song writer. Who knows? I could make a better one. I'm still thinking of a tune for a praise song. Surprisingly I can play cool, spontaneous tunes on the bass. Hopefully I can make a great praise song for people to praise God with.

Oh yeah! There was a band who played before Chad Blondel performed. They're called Synergy Youth. I like the girl's voice. Very suitable with what she's singing. A rocker voice... Wish I have it. Instead, I'm stuck with such an immature voice. least I can sing. =P

I hope to be able to form a group like Planetshakers and Hillsongs but it's Malaysia's very own. We now have 1a.m.. But I think we should have more. You never know, maybe someday I can tour with them and share with the world my song. I love to perform. It's my hobby. I love to emulate stage performances by Hayley Williams cos I think her stage performance is one of the best.

Well, that's all from me.

Monday, May 26, 2008

More songs..

This song is written for those who don't know the Lord and also for us Christians who at times, have forgotten to share about Jesus to those who really need Him. Me included.

Title: Passion For The Lost

Verse 1:
I see the lost, I see their pain
Lord, just heal them now
You hear their cry, You feel their pain
Hold them in Your embrace
Show them Your heart, show them Your grace
Your redeeming love
The sacrifice of Your only Son
Proves Your great love

Chorus 1:
Lord, save the lost
Lord, bring them light
And lead them to
Our Saviour King

Verse 2:
Oh, how we forget those who need
Your love and grace
Let's take our part and reach out
To unbelieving ones
Lord, give us passion for the lost
And bring them to You
Forgive us Lord for neglecting
The perishing

Chorus 2:
Forgive us, Lord
Renew our minds
And give us, Lord
A passion for Your name

Oh Lord redeem this, our generation (3x)

I'm Such A Fool!!!

I don't want to continue the cerita of the previous post lah. It's wrong for me to do this. Forget about it lah. It's not important....... somebody want to make me jealous. I don't know why.... Maybe she be song see me being a nice person or whatever lah. She's trying very hard to make me jealous but sorry lah....You're looking for the wrong person to start a cat fight, alright? I don't have time for petty arguments.

I knew from the start already lah.....I don't want to pretend I don't know anymore. Anyway, I don't think you all get what I'm talking about so what's the point I post this hoh?? Hmmm....luahan hati bah.

I feel like a fool these days. Cos I supposedly "fell in love" with someone that I shouldn't fall in love with. Haha.....I feel as though God's saying "What were you thinking?? I told you, didn't I? You stubborn girl....." And I feel as though He just hit me in the nougat cos I'm thinking very straight right now. Focus all set on Jesus. Haha!! Wonders....

But I feel like a fool because I never thought that I would succumb to this. I mean, I always have this mindset..."I'm the no. 1 Bachelorette." And that I'm waiting for a guy who fears God as much as I do etc. Who would've thought this would happen? I suppose it's to teach me to be patient and to remind me that I shouldn't settle for the things I have now. Cos I'm still young and there's better things ahead of me.

Oh well, I'm still human being. And I can't do things perfect. I acknowledge I need God. This is a lesson that I need nothing else but God and I live to please Him. It's part of my purpose here on earth anyway. =)

Saturday, May 24, 2008


Aiyoh...full now. Really full.

Anyway, haiyah....this post is gona sound very emo. Just when I vowed not to have emo contents for the time being. Oh well....maybe I'll just try to spice things up. Make it cheery.

Well, Gwen told me that Syl was complaining to Ah Phael (via SMS) bout Natasha. This Natasha girl just simply accused went like this......

"Oi you!!! Why you steal Raphael away from me??"
Kids these days.....Sighs......

HAHA!! That's the funniest thing I've heard!!! Why? Cos Ah Phael don't even like Natasha and she claims he's her boyfriend. Weird lah.......

Anyway, Ah Phael told, I forgot already. Got it all mixed up....oh well, have to wait for tomorrow then. Ahahahahaaha!!!

Well, bottom line of the story is..........
I deserve someone better lah. Those two idiots memang secocok with each other.
Bodo sama bodo.

Beautiful Day!!!

Yesterday was by far one of the boring days of my life! Zzzzzzz.......Well, got something to do lah but it's purely work. It was all just typing. Zzzzzz........

The not boring part will be night time lah. When I went for the continuation of Jeremiah Abel's seminar on prayer. I think I became his official pianist lah. Cos Doreen was the pianist but he keeps looking at me to play the songs that he's singing. Haha....such an honour. My skills have indeed improved. =) I can play a song without the aid of tabs.

After the seminar, I went out with Elly, Frank, Calvin, Gwen and Raymond. Hehe....It's Friday night!! And I was really hungry after the seminar. Hmmm....having big appetites these days. At first we decided to go After Three. Haha....we sat in there and looked at the menu. Everything was so expensive so we decided to leave. The waitress just looked at us dumbfounded. Imagine....we just sat there for a while and looking at the menu. And the next thing you know, we're gone. =P That was the first time I ever did that!! It felt good.....=P After that we thought of going to McD but ended up in The Sun. That place okay larh.....I ate Mee Mamak. It's like.....sweet and spicy at the same time. Kinda weird but......edible lah. I couldn't finish it cos it's really rich....that I almost felt like puking.

And today........I decided not to go help out in band cos I have a lot of unfinished business to do. And to think I told Kester,"Okay. Aku free gilak....." Heheh....guess not. After my sis and I made our own breakfast, we went out. We went to Hock Lee to look around and to buy her spectrum at Lee's Music Centre, the music haven. =P Saw so many nice clothes at Hock Lee. Especially Mix Boutique. Ahh.......I must bring my dad there cos there's sales. =) I must get an attire appropriate for worship leading. Cool and decent. That's my style.

I ate Laksa for lunch at Madam Tang's. Heehee.....I love Laksa. It's the best!! Mmmmm.....

Today, I played around with my hair. Trying to create a better version than the one I came home with on Monday. And I did. It's the way I like it lah. Can't wait to try the Texturizing Paste I bought from Guardian. =)

Friday, May 23, 2008

Cerita Seorang Gadis.

Was reading all my past posts and I realized....why people only comment on my depressing posts?? That interesting meh???? Like watching some Indon drama kah?? (Well, that's what I thought when I read my past posts.) And my friends were complaining that my blog is so emo. Okay......I don't think there will be any emo contents for awhile. (Praise God? =P) Too happy to be emo lah.....

Anyway, let's get down to business. B)

About yesterday...*clears throat*

Pagi nothing much happened lah.....Except I kena scolded by my mom cos I terlupa dry the clothes and wash up and everything....I slept late bah so ada babo sikit. So babo that I didn't remember my daily routine. No wonder I felt weird. =P Dahlah she scold me like I don't do it everyday. =.=" The injustice.......

I was just being a couch potato in the afternoon. Watching Numbers and CSI. Cool eh? (NOT!) Got a message from Raphael at around 2 something but didn't realize till it was nearly 3pm. And you know what the message was all about? "I fixed my iPod..." And I was like.... Swt. That one also want to tell me. Then I just layan lah...sedangkan I was about to sleep while watching the telly. Well, I slept at 4pm. And Khira had to spoil it all by waking me up and asking me bout some of her stupid choir stuff. Haiyah!! Your choir lose lah!!!!! I don't give a damn lah wei..... I hate choir. Got up at 4.30pm to get ready for church. Cos my mom has a meeting at 5.30pm, I got practice at 6pm for the seminar and she wants to leave at 5pm. And I had an early dinner. A very early one. I ate PORK!! Ah....delicious! Can't live without it....

I'm so happy David Cook won!! YEAH!!!! Anyway....back to story.

Since it was still early for practice by the time I reached church, I decided to go lepak at Kenyalang Park. Went into the Theatre to enjoy air-cond and bought myself Mentos grape flavour. Went outside to buy ice-cream. Hee.... When I was eating the ice-cream, suddenly the atmosphere changed. I became Ice-Cream Girl in Ice-Cream land. And got very jolly background music. Dahlah I walk at the side of the street macam apa.... Everything was so jolly-jolly until......there were drips of ice-cream on my NEWLY-BOUGHT SKINNY JEANS!! NOOOOOOO...................................

This is my first time working with Uncle Hollis as his pianist. Uncle Hollis is Phael's dad by the way. He's an energetic ummm.....(can't say old man lah) ummmm.......for his age lah hoh. After practice we had a jamming session. I was playing the drums, the bass and the guitar. We were shifting. And this is how I look like playing the bass.........

Yeah...I look like I'm being swallowed by the bass guitar.

Oh yeah. During the jamming session, I thought of a really nice nick name for Raphael. Ah Phael. (pronouned: "ah fel") LOL. I think he'll cringe when he finds out. Too bad he's off to KL this Sunday. So I can't inform him of his new nick name. Heheh.

I was multi-tasking in the midst of the seminar. Listening, talking, messaging, writing and flipping the Bible. Message who? Siapa lagi kalau bukan itu Ah Phael ah.... During the seminar, I was so scared I fell asleep cos I lacked sleep. So I consumed one too many Mentos that I became high on mentos. (due to sugar rush I suppose) I had one, liked the "kick" it gives and I had another one....and another....and another......till it finished. (of course I shared some lah but I ate most of it.)

After the seminar, Me, Gwen, Elly, Frank and Micheal went to open air market to eat Mee Sapi or Beef Mee. Chio.....the beef mee now so mahal ah!!! RM4.00!! Gila..... Dahlah I tak cukup duit. Kurang one ringgit only lah. But still.... It's so expensive!! Price of things get higher and higher but our pay still remains the same. It's alarming. Had a great time with them last night. =) Shouldn't have splurged on the ice-cream just now. Dang!

Went home feeling tired but I wanted to blog. bro was using the PC. Dang!!

So.........begitulah cerita seorang gadis yang kiut-miut. =)

Selamat Tinggal dan jumpa lagi!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Today, I see the result of my "master" plan. Now, Sylvia is slowly falling in love with Cyril. And she messaged Raphael (of all people) and asked him bout Cyril. Of course lah Raphael will say bad stuff bout him. She's making Raphael jealous. Where did her common sense go to??

Honestly lah, I don't feel so good bout this. The me before this would be so happy this happened because he knows how I feel now.

I have a confession to make.......

I knew how Sylvia can be easily swayed by sweet words and I knew how Cyril can be diabetically sweet. So, in order to "eliminate" my "opponent" and for Ralph to feel my pain, I introduced Syl to Cy. I knew something like this will happen. Sighs....jealousy can really make a monster out of you. And I certainly am NOT proud of what I did. Damn, I can't fix this already. Cos I'm out of the "game". (How could I even treat this as a game?? Ingat tok CS kah?? Or warcraft??) But true lah...I'm out of the game. However, upon seeing what has happened, I have to be involved but there's nothing much I can do. Sighs.....Why did I have to do this??? Oh well, what's done is done.

Gwen kept convincing me that I didn't do anything wrong. She said I just manipulated them and the Cy and Syl thing was their own effort. True lah...but it doesn't really make me feel any better. Still......I was the master mind behind all these and indirectly, it all started because of what I did.

I can't let Phael know that I introduced Cy to Syl. Cos......God knows what he'll feel. Scared lah.....I don't wana lose a friend!! It's bad enough that he's jealous. I'll just.....keep quiet. Certain things are best kept to myself.

I really regret what I did. And....I'm sorry. Especially to Raphael. But I know sorry won't fix things.


I don't know what to post...but something came up. =) Talking pictures. =P

Oh mommy!! I want that giant lollipop!!!!

Great friends. =)

eh....something lah.

Singer/songwriter in the making.

I work with a bunch of awesome
young people.

Chio!! Kueh Chap!!
Hungry doh......

Paramore. They're the best.
Hayley's the best female rock singer.
At least that's what I think.

Middle's the pimp. The two gals...........

are the pimpettes.

The person who drew this will be the next Pablo Picasso.

I think she's cute. *wink!*

Hmm....Shall be forgotten.

Lord of Lords

Beautiful song.. lyrics is in the video itself.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Heartache Updates. ?? =P

Of course, by now I'm feeling a whole lot better. I have to live with this huge scar in my life. Nevertheless, I thank God that I have gone through this because I learned a valuable lesson indeed. And it is true that you have to make a mistake to learn something.

But there is one thing that still lingers in my mind. Last night, I was thinking....why he never told me? Why he kept me hoping? Doesn't he realize that keeping me hoping hurts me even more? And he always wished me to be happy. But......I suppose he never think far ahead. What he didn't know is that the truth hurts but lies kills. And yes, his lies did kill me. To this very day.....

I suppose it's because he's still young. So...I have to understand. I did make a horrid conclusion though.......I almost concluded that he's a playboy. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't but.....I don't care. I shall be the sister to tegur him. Bahaha!! After giving much thought, i thought that maybe it's because he's still young. And he's very blur.....

Oh, whatever.....past is past. I shall stick my head up high and soar like an eagle!! (yerdeh!!) I shall start a new chapter in my life. I'm sooooo looking forward to going Swinburne!!! Who knows.....I might meet a great guy there. But that's not my intention of going there lah.......I gotta study!! Gotta get the merit scholarship!!!! Gotta get friends and bring them to God!!! Whoa.....exciting!!!

Monday, May 19, 2008

I'm Hot. =P

The days are indeed getting hotter and hotter. It's the time of the year when you start seeing haze again. Honestly, sometimes I just feel like using my undergarments only. Or just stay in the shower all day, saying that just makes me feel thirsty all of a sudden.

Anyway, this morning Gwen ajak me go watch movie. Narnia. At first can cos my dad gave me money. Then suddenly my sis got work to do(yeah, she had work to do on a public holiday) so I had to cancel my plan cos don't wana menyusahkan her to send me and pick me up. Sighs....wish I could go out with her and Sylvia and Sharon. Especially Sylvia....just wana put everything behind us and just make everything go back to the way it should be. Not normal...but as it should be. I don't want to harbor feelings of bitterness and resentment. All the more as I am one of the leaders in YF, I want to be a good example to them. I have made a mistake. And I went into the territory where I should never have set foot on. But now, I have to set things straight. I learned from my mistake.

I cut my hair today!! Well, not a whole new hairstyle but just to trim lah. No big change...just a little shorter. It looks different now cos they styled it. I always go to the same hair salon cos this particular hair salon can do my hair so well! Cos most shops don't know how to do curly hair. But this shop is definitely good. The way they cut, the way they style....they just now how to bring out my curls. And, I had this theory that you should dress in your favourite style to the hair salon so that they can style your hair to match it. My theory proved right. I went to the salon wearing my favourite emo/punk style (a baby tee, studded belt, skinny jeans and chucks) and they gave me a voluminous hairstyle, kinda like a bedhead look to match it. Cool, eh? I expected something more emo but they gave me something more funky. I like it. Everytime I go there, I feel satisfied cos they're really good. They never let me down. By the way, this salon is owned by a church member of Good News Fellowship if I'm not mistaken. Shop's called The Hair Shop and is located at Green Heights (on the way to airport). Totally recommended! All in all, I paid RM34 for wash and cut. Quite expensive but worth it.

I guess that's the highlight of my day...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Better Much. =)

Well, for today, my initial plan was to continue my driving lessons. Suppose to go for some bengkel thing. my depressed state of mind, I need to be around a positive atmosphere so I decided to join the seminar called "The Fruitful Life", a seminar on discipleship by Rev. Timothy Chow.

True enough, I felt so much better when I was there. A bunch of my brothers from YF were there. Their presence just encouraged me heaps. Plus the presence of my "twin" sister, even better. Way better than being in the whatever bengkel thingy. Cos if I did go for it, I think I won't be so happy right now.

Throughout the seminar, (the seminar was awesome by the way) Rev. Tim kept saying,"I know some of you are discouraged but you are putting your hopes on the wrong thing." You know how amazed I am at God when he said this. I am reminded of how much God cares for me and that God DOES know what I'm going through. All too often we forget this simple fact about God.

And yes, I am filled after this seminar. I've got what I was looking for. And I've got what I needed. Still sad...but just a little. Hopefully by tomorrow, I'll be super happy.

I'm going for Carry The Call tonight. I hope to get something out of this as well. I'm quite worried bout tomorrow actually. I'm not sure how I will react if I run into him. I'm scared that I'll ignore him or something. I really hope I don't ignore him....What I hope even more is to not suddenly break into tears in front of him. (whoa...choi!!) Dahlah he playing drums tomorrow. Gonna be right in front there and I'd definitely accidentally look at him. Well, whatever it is. I have to face him anyway. By hook or by crook, I can't let the afore mentioned things to happen.

And thanks Michelle for talking to me bout my little problem. And the stuff we chat about just now, will be our little secret. *wink!* Love ya heaps cousin!! And yeah....I do wish I ran away to Labuan for matrics. LOL.

Thank You Jesus for lifting my sadness and for giving such awesome people around me.

Auf wee der zein

Friday, May 16, 2008

Rescue The Perishing

I just knew this song from my sister. An awesome song with powerful lyrics. Very dynamic. It's actually an 18th century hymn written by Fannie J. Cosby. The one I'm posting will be a re-make by Rebecca St. James. This song really does make you realize what's more important in life. I think it echoes The Great Commission in an astounding way. To see the history of this song click here.

Special thanks to Anders for reminding me how to post vids in my blog. Haha....totally forgot bout embedding!! Silly me...used that a lot in friendster. Embedding vids in people's comments. How could I possibly forget?? Lol...

Below are the lyrics. Well, Rebecca didn't sang all of the lyrics but I'll post them all anyway.

Rescue The Perishing

Rescue the perishing, care for the dying,
Snatch them in pity from sin and the grave;
Weep o’er the erring one, lift up the fallen,
Tell them of Jesus, the mighty to save.

Rescue the perishing, care for the dying,
Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save.
Church open your eyes once more,
And see what Christ died for,
Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save!

Though they are slighting Him, still He is waiting,
Waiting the penitent child to receive;
Plead with them earnestly, plead with them gently;
He will forgive if they only believe.

Down in the human heart, crushed by the tempter,
Feelings lie buried that grace can restore;
Touched by a loving heart, wakened by kindness,
Chords that were broken will vibrate once more.

Rescue the perishing, duty demands it;
Strength for thy labor the Lord will provide;
Back to the narrow way patiently win them;
Tell the poor wand’rer a Savior has died.

As we playing our songs, while we singing them well
Have we forgotten the lost, the reality of hell?
If we say we love God, wanna see His will done,
Will we offer our lives, or just the songs we have sung?
Do we even care, when will we care?

Retail Therapy.

After sending my dad to work, Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown's No Air played on the radio. Of course, I was so......ugh! Cos I don't want to remember my ordeal and it's making me upset. I was in the car so....I can't do anything. Takkanlah i want to demonstrate my feelings in front of my mom so i bertahanlah. Plus, Khira likes the song so I don't feel nice changing the radio station. (chio...cover line. As if I cared...her favourite song pun i also change the radio station...muahaha!!!) Actually I've been wanting to hear this song for days but....I don't know why it has to be played today. At my cousin's, we ate chocolate cake. =) Just the right time for me....I like eating chocolates when I'm upset. Then my cousin talked about it and read this very blog on what I said about it.

Left her house at around 4 something to pick up my dad from work. dad suggested to go Boulevard. I told him I wana buy a pair of jeans and some other stuff. So we went back to our house to pick up my bro. When I got back in the car, No Air was playing again and I was like,"What?!! Leave me alone....." Yeah, really have jodoh with this song today.....

I bought myself a pair of skinny jeans and a nice shirt. =) Not enough to make me happy though....nothing will make me extremely happy today. Sighs...

After dinner, went out again to Wisma Saberkas. Wahaha!! Today really go out a lot... Good lah. Put my mind off whatever I'm going through and my family really made me happy. It's times like these that I realize how fortunate I am to have such a supportive family or even have a family at all. My sis wanted to buy a spectrum but Les Paul was closed. So we headed off to look at clothes and went to Guardian. After looking at the dyes sold at Guardian, I was thinking of dying my hair since I'm going Swinburne. I think I wana dye it Burgundy. =) A hint of red. Heehee......

That's all for now. =) Actually lah, there's another after this....Heheh.

Bitter Reality.

Well yeah....kinda facing bitter reality right now. Sighs.....fuh!!! Really....upset much. But truth be told, I am tired of what I'm doing. If I go on, I'll be draining life out of me. And worse....I am leading myself to the road of self-destruction. I'm tired. I'm sick of what I'm doing. And it was all not worth it. And....I have to admit, I lost sight of what's more important in life.

Okay, so I guess you're all wondering "What the hell is she talking about?!!". Well, turns out the guy that I love treats me as a sister all these while and he is in love with my friend, Sylvia. I knew it all along....but never really wanted to accept it. Instead, I tried taking Sylvia away from him by introducing her to Cyril. It was all part of my "master" plan. But....who am I kidding? His heart still longs for someone else. And I don't want to do this anymore. Enough is enough. I'm being too possessive.

I feel quite embarrassed to post this in here but....I need to let it out. Confess it and let go. If I just keep holding it in, it will grow and become bitterness instead. Cancerous, infecting me and draining life out of me. Consuming my very soul. And instead of having him, I end up losing him. Which is worse. And I don't want that at all.

I am sad. But who wouldn't be? I won't cry though.... Never will. But I want to. It's as though....I'm immune to tears. If he treats me as a sister, then I shall treat him as my brother. Would be a lot more fun for him to be my brother anyway.

Love has always been unfair to me. Sometimes I wonder, is this even love anyway? Sometimes, instead of giving more love, it gives more pain. I don't understand. Nor do I comprehend or thing or whatever you call it. It's not like I'm unfamiliar with this....hurt I'm feeling. I've been here before. The situation is a little different but the hurt? Still the same....always the same and will be the same. Well, maybe it does hurt more this time...

It will take days for me to recover from this wound. Cos it is quite deep. But I know I'll be better, stronger and wiser. So no worries everyone. I'll be fine. You'll see.... For those of you who know me, you know I'm strong enough to go through this. I know I'm not the kind of person who breaks down easily either. There are better things in life that means so much more than this.

Thank you. =)

P.S. - At least this situation I'm in inspired me. =)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Nothing Much

Well, nothing much happened today. Did the usual routine.

I went to the combined prayer meeting just now. Went there just to show Anders my song and to hear his version of it. =) Well, I got something out of this prayer meeting. I've never seen so many Christians coming together to pray in one voice for our country! Praise God so many of them turned up. =D

Anyway, bout my song. Anders version of it is so sweet! I like it! Thanks Anders for your contribution. =]

Oh, and before the prayer meeting started, I got a text from Raphael....but I got no credit to reply. Huhu....=( =( =( Imagine how frustrated I was....anyway, even if I had credit, I won't reply. Prayer meeting dowh...... I'll buy credit and reply him tomorrow. =) There's always tomorrow. Sorry honey.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Sound Of Peace

Last night, before I went to bed I had to leave the remote control for my brother. ('s at a secret place...) After I left it for him, I just stood outside and got lost in the serenity of the night. It was about 11pm.

It felt so comforting and calming. Peaceful. As though...all else fell asleep. I wish to do it everyday. So I just stood there...basking myself in the calamity of the night. I closed my eyes and listened. Wonderful. The sound of crickets and trees and plants It's the best sound I've ever heard. The sound of peace. It did inspired me to write something - a thought or whatsoever, so that I can turn it into a song. However, I didn't have my Crap Book with me. (Crap Book- whenever I'm inspired, I right something or just write what I feel like saying. =p)

Last night, I'm just so in awe of God's creation. Who would've thought something so scary (darkness) can be somewhat....comforting. Well, this is not the first time I've done this. I always like to stand outside but never really take my time to appreciate it. What with all the hustle and bustles of the day, sometimes we just gotta relax and enjoy the stillness of the night.

Chill out and peace out!

In Disbelief.

I went to school just to see the principal. The clerk lied to me that the principal was speaking for the Form 6 orientation. I had hate being lied to. And I certainly hate waiting for nothing. Turns out he was in his office all along. And he has no voice to talk.....SAY SO!!

Well, eventually he came out of his office. So I told him I wana go Form 6 for a while if he was okay with it. Pn. Sopiah being his representative, explained to me that I can't enter Form 6...not till the 2nd intake. I was so bummed. So I told her that I actually wanted to go Form 6 just for the sake of band. That's it. I'm not gonna make the class full cos....I won't be in class much. Really. Band practice takes up Fridays and Saturdays full day and one week before the competition, I'll not be in class for band practice. And besides, my brother is going to propose that we join KLWMBC (Kuala Lumpur World Marching Band Competition) which is next month. So....out of class again. Itupun if jadi lah... which I don't think it will jadi. Hard to find funds in one month. = /

Sighs....there must be some way that I can join band. I need to tell my band teachers in charge and Kester. See if they can do anything to help. If not...*sobs* it's the end of my career in Marching Band. For now, I can't give up just yet. Not yet....

Hmmm...I did say in Facebook that if I didn't get Form 6, I'll cry for seven days and seven nights. Well...I'm not crying. Just a little upset. I won't cry that easily one larh....this is just a small thing. If I don't get it, I don't get it. I suppose this is not what God wants. But that won't stop me from being the number one supporter of GRSB. (apart from Fabian...) I will still go for band...I will still support. I malas want to go back to Girls' Brigade already. After being in a Marching Band filled with perfect marching techniques and adrenaline filled physical training, I don't even think I want to go back to Girls' Brigade where there's no marching technique at all! Maybe to serve....but my heart's not willing. My heart's not there at all. My heart's in band.

Monday, May 12, 2008

My Marching Band Career

Tomorrow, I'm going to school to meet my principal. And suddenly I feel nervous when I thought about it.. = / Why I'm seeing him? Trying to get myself into Form 6. I need to go Form 6!! I need to join the band again!! I need to FEEL the adrenaline of competition once more!!!!I need the love of my!!

Sighs....En. Putit!! PLEASE!!! I'm praying real hard that he'll let me menumpang in Form have my very last chance of being in band once again. Last year, my band didn't join competition so...kinda sad but it's for a good cause. Not being in competition in my last year was really a sad thing that could happen but it's pass.....

Funny how I'm willing to go through all these trouble just for band. Hehe....I am a band geek. But not a very big band geek cos I know that I'm just temporary. I can't be too attached. Otherwise, I'll have a hard time leaving.

I'm sure you're wondering...If I love band so much, why don't just go for Form 6 permanently? Well, I have to think of my future. I can't waste 2 years in Form 6 and end up going to Swinburne anyway. Might as well just cut short my time studying. I can't be selfish with my interests...I have to think about providing for my family. Study fast, graduate and get a job.

If I don't get to go Form 6...I'll cry seven days and seven nights. Because....that will be the end of my banding career. =( =( =( Oh God, please.....give me ONE LAST chance to be in band. Just one more.....

Anyways, I'd better go....cos gotta be early! Gonna go to school to settle my Form 6 case and going to Swinburne to get my offer letter and to deal with Yayasan Sarawak bout my scholarship loan. =]



I went to search for what my name means and also found out the history of it.

Christine is the French, English, German and Scandinavian form of Christina. Christina on the other hand is the name of a Swedish queen of the 17th century who was interested in the arts and philosophy. She gave up her crown to become a Roman Catholic. Christine is of Greek origin and means 'Anointed'.

I like what my name means. It's great to know..... Funny how that Swedish queen and I love the arts. That's where we have in common. =) And my name to mean 'anointed'....even better!

Sunday, May 11, 2008


Was going through Flor's blog and I saw her sidebar. I wondered is she had my old link and she does!! Sighs...miss my old blog. =( But I have a new one already. Besides, I can't remember what's my password or my username. This is my 3rd blog I made in blogspot. Haha.....

Reading my old blog, just gives me wonderful memories. =) That's what I love about blogs....I used to write diaries but never liked the idea of writing. I like typing. =) Even though it's more troublesome than getting a pen and a book to write.

For today, as usual, Church day and youth fellowship. In YF, we were doing something on Galatians 5:22 & 23. (it's about the fruits of the Spirit) My group, we chose to do a sketch on kindness. So we decided to do a High School version of The Good Samaritan. (hehe...of course, idea by me lah....siapa gik??) I like today's activity. It expands our creativity and we remember better. (Come on, I actually remembered Galatians 5:22 & 23!)

That's all for now...Kinda stuck on ideas tonight. Anyway, I have to type my letter of appeal to Form 6. Must!! Otherwise it's the end of my career in Marching Band.

I Wish....

I really wish you can join your Drumline, the one thing you love to do. I can tell that you're sad that you can't.....Cos I know how that feels. Not being able to go for band practice full time and not being a part of it just sucks! I want you to be happy...the same way you want me to be happy. And I know you're not. You just never tell. If only I could persuade your dad to let you....but who am I lah........ Sighs..... Parents are always trying to give the best to their children. And I'm sure your parents are doing the same. And I know you understand that.....even though it means restricting you from doing what you love. But're not happy. And what can I do? Nothing but to hope.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Pinafore vs. Baju Kurung....and Skinny Is Ugly.

Gosh...I actually went online just to post this. ( day tak sah if I don't post it crap.) Just now I was totally drunk of tiredness and I know that I HAVE to sleep. But....I just ate so I have to wait for it to digest. Anyway, back to the topic.....

Pinafore vs. Baju Kurung. Honestly speaking, I've never worn Baju Kurung in my whole entire high school life. Never. Cos for one, my brother totally objects me wearing it...calling me a social suicide and an embarrassment to his friends. (Not that I care what he says or think about me....) But I like opinions. The real reason I don't wear Baju Kurung is that, it does not give me a nice body. Come on, I'll look like a stick if I wear it! (It's enough that I'm skinny...) shape, just straight! not hot. And, usually.....And I do mean USUALLY not ALL. Usually, those girls wearing Baju Kurung are the ngegeh type of girls. Well....not all lah. Cos my friends do wear Baju Kurung.

Now to the Pinafore. I like the Pinafore cos it gives me a great figure! Especially those that really fit. Seriously, if you know how to wear your uniform, you CAN look great. My tip in buying uniform? NEVER BUY A UNIFORM THAT'S BIGGER. Buy the ones that just fits snuggly on you. Not too tight......otherwise you'll just look like a *****. I think that the Pinafore gives that "rock and roll" kinda feel to it. Just wear a pair of white shoes that look like Chucks. (btw, Chucks are Converse shoes.) My choice has always been North Star. Plus, it's more cooling than the Baju Kurung. And not transparent. =)

But I like how my friends look like in Baju Kurung. Especially Amanda. She looks soooo cute in Baju Kurung!! I think bigger sized people look a whole lot better in Baju Kurung than skinny people. You already know you're skinny...why on earth do you wanna look worse? Being skinny isn't all that great, all right. It's not beautiful. It's ugly. The bony part showing is just ugly....I wish I have more fat.

Seriously. Being skinny is not something you would wana wish for. It's hard to go shopping. It's hard to find things that are my size. (hey, even a size 0 don't really fit....) They're usually too big. I don't really like shopping for a blouse cos it's usually big at the bust not cool. And as for pants or skirts....I wish they would always fit me nicely, but they never do. Sighss.... They are always loose and my underwear can be seen. Or I might have to use a belt and it makes it look ugly.

Well....that's all for today. Got church tomorrow and I'm playing piano. And oh, Sylvia's phone got stolen!! She will have to survive a few days without messaging Cyril. With deepest sympathy.....

Friday, May 9, 2008

9th MAY 2008, Friday.

Lol...I don't know what title to put. Haha.... Well, today nothing much happen larh. No band so kinda boring lah today. But I went out unexpectedly (usual lah...unexpected things always happen on my free days) to buy Khira's school shirt and go a little bit of shopping.'s more of Khira's shopping day. Cos I told her that she seriously needs to get some girly clothes. What she wears now is know, sports tee with shorts. It's not baby-T alright? It's a guy's tee and it definitely does not do any justice to her figure. Not very flattering to her body. And I bought a necklace today. =) =) =) So gona wear it this Sunday!!

I fell in love with Crown Square!! The things there are so nice! Kinda fave would be the shop at the ground floor, forgot what's it's name. Oh well...... Will bring my dad there and he'll pay, as usual. Eheheh.... Ah....I caught the Shopping Syndrome again. It's when I step into a shopping mall, I keep coming back in again. It all started with Boulevard. (Dang!!)

I feel so good. =) I have a new job.....being a match maker. Right now, I'm trying to match make my friend, Sylvia with Cyril. Well, their progress sounds very good. more details. Shhss......, I messaged itu Langi to tell him to delete Syl's photo from his Friendster but he mati2 don't want so I biarkan him lah. And I did it in a nice manner. Then he send me a message saying something like,".....if only i got other friends like you....." I was like....eeewwww!! I'm not your friend!!! And after a while, he sent me a message...asking for my name. Over my dead body will I give him my name!! (I messaged him anonimously....) Dowh... Die...... It's a sign that he perasan. But of course, I totally ignored that message. I didn't reply. Even the one him claiming me as his fren, I didn't reply as well. He's clearly not a very sane guy...... I honestly regretted texting him. Me and my keponess......

Oh! An old classmate of mine called me today!! Shocked but happy.'s nice to hear from an old classmate actually. Unfortunately, I never bothered to pick up the telephone and call them. Plus, my autograph book's gone!! I really don't know what happened to it lah..... Sighss.....I wish he would call me again cause I honestly didn't talk enough. Talk half way then suddenly line cut off....don't know why. least I sempat give him my number. But I forgot to tell him to miss call me so that I will have his number. Now, I'm back to not having contact with him again. Sighss......

Huhu....Mandy's leaving tomorrow for Labuan. I just messaged her just now. She's not okay and not ready to go to Labuan. It's normal to feel that way lah.....If it was me, I'd feel the same. She's leaving early tomorrow morning! =( Well, all the best to you Mandy! God has a purpose for you there and I will keep you in prayer.

Oh...the kepo-ness of today.
Oh....the surprises that I've got.
Oh....the things that I've bought.
And oh, the friend that will depart.
Today is indeed an adventure,
full of surprises and also,
weirdness and love too.
But that's just how life is.

Hey, I got a poem! Haha!!

I'm Just This One Girl Who Likes This One Boy Way Too Much

I stumbled upon this and I really like it. Apart from the fact it looks good, it actually talks bout me. Haha!! I am a girl who does like this one boy way too much. Hoping that he would like me too. =) Wait, I know he likes me. Just waiting for him to say it. *wink*

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


After a family meeting over lunch, it is decided that I shall go to Swinburne. =) And go for form 6 for the time being. Since I joined the band and am entering competition. I mean, I can't just back out just like that. It's all thanks to my father! My mother's been influenced by what the teacher said about Form 6. (and honestly, so am I.) And it is pressuring me to go for matriks. So I decided, hey....why don't I go for Swinburne? Since dad's totally into bringing me there. And....Swinburne's a lot better than going for matriks right? So...I confirm pergi Swinburne lah. Expected to begin in July.

It's true what the teacher said about Form 6. STPM is very hard. And the chances of getting good grades is low. Furthurmore when going to uni, priority is given to matriks students. So, even if you do get good grades for STPM, you still don't have much chance cos they put matriks students first then only Form 6 students. It really made me think twice bout going for Form 6. And...going for matrics, is not an option for me. No way. I don't like a sudden change of plans. Then I remembered Swinburne. =) I wanted to go there before I got my SPM results then I totally forgot about it.

Funny how last time, my dad really wanted me to go Swinburne but I mati-mati don't want. And everytime I hear "Swinburne", I cringe to hear it. But now...haha.....I want it. Ironic huh?

The reason why I don't wana go for Matrics.... Simple. I was thinking....yeah, I may get better offers and all that, compared to Form 6. But does good education guarantee you a job? No. If you don't have a job, you don't have a job. And good grades can't really help you in that. So for me, anything goes. As long as got place to learn something lah. (but cannot be an unknown college also lah..) And I believe that I'm here to stay. I believe God has a reason for it, I don't know. But I know I'm suppose to stay.

A Riot In Me

I went to school and I wanted to get myself registered for Form 6. I told the teacher that I got accepted to government matriculation but I wanted to go for Form 6. Start lah the teacher bagi advice....why you wana go Form 6? Everyone's dying to get a spot in matrics.... Matrics is easier and with my results, I can get a spot in one of the best Unis like MU. (okay, that did interest me) Form 6 is hard and doesn't guarantee a spot in Uni. Sighs....feel so bummed. And to think that my results can actually get me a JPA scholarship or a MARA scholarship. But the thing is.....I don't want to. (yeah, i sound stupid saying this.)

I went home and went straight to my room and cried a little. I feel so....pressured and lost cos I'm back at square one again! And I don't have much time to decide whether I want to go for matrics or not. And if I do.....I'm not prepared to leave Kuching. I'm not prepared to leave my family, my friends...and most of all, the guy that I am so deeply in love with. (Just to let you know, I did not decide to go Form 6 because of him alright? I had a crush on him after I decided to go Form 6.) These are the reasons I'm crying.

Anyway, with the little time that I have to cry in my room, my mom suddenly told me to get ready for the MARA open interview. And I was am I gonna go for an interview in this state of mind??? I changed again and calmed myself down and smiled like nothing ever happened. My mom won't even suspect a thing and no one will know. (apart from the people reading this blog, that is) I stopped myself from thinking all those depressing things and went on my way to Bangunan Yayasan. Turns out, the interview was more like promoting Kolej Twintech. And they don't even offer me the courses that I want. I science and accounting for a girl who intends to do Physics?? huh! NEVER!!

Back at square one and not really sure of what to do....that feeling sure sucks! Now, I'm thinking of going Swinburne. Really. Makes my life so much easier. The thought of going Matrics just makes me wana cry even more..... I don't want to!! And I feel like and idiot.... And I don't usually cry. God I need You right now....

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


I just blogged to say..........

I love him so much. Haha!!




My name's not in the list of those going to Form 6.

Curse you matrics!!

Anyway, have to do all that's required to get to Form 6. = /

How troublesome.....

Curse you matrics!!!!!!!

Wonder if I can make it before the band competition?


My friend Raymond was telling me weeks ago to write a song on the person I love. I told him that...I can't. I mean, the person I love is not the best inspiration for me. That's because I don't make him my top priority in life. My not revolve around him. I can't write like Chris Brown, where he compares his lover to air. That's because this guy that i like, is not like air to me. I can't possibly write,

How am I suppose to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air....etc.

My inspiration I believe, comes from my own life struggles and experience. I believe my inspiration comes mostly from God. My life revolves around Him and without Him, I honestly can tell you that I can't function properly without Him.

Whatever Happened to 'Handsome'?

Really, it intrigues me. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE WORD HANDSOME?? I mean....I keep hearing girls telling me,"That guy's cute..." and all that stuff or might even use the word "hot". Even I myself use that too. Then it occured to me, whatever happened to handsome? If ever a guy say to me,"Don't you think I'm cute?" (or hot) I'm so gona say...."No....You're not cute..........You're handsome." And I'm gonna say it with a huge smile.

That's to all the male species out there. =) You're all handsome.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Completed. =)

Title: Without You

Without You in my life
Life seems so hard
Without You in my life
I feel so empty
You give me a reason to live
You fill this void in my life
And nothing else can take Your place

Fill me now, fill my cup
Rain upon this barren land
Lord, refresh me now
And renew my heart
Lord, just take me in Your arms

I've been away for too long
I wana come back, back to Your arms
To feel Your warm embrace
To dwell in Your presence again
I know You'll never let me go
Because You first loved me

You're all that I need
Always You and nothing else
For all else fades
But You stand forever
Oh, how great You are!
Oh, how awesome You are!
Oh, how merciful!
You're just wonderful!
You're all that I need
And nothing else

My song.

I wrote this song yesterday. Inspired by my low point in life and on how I wana turn back to Jesus. I haven't got a title. Haha.... And it's actually unfinished and I haven't got a tune. Hehe...

Without You in my life
Life seems so hard
Without You in my life
I feel so empty
You give me a reason to live
You fill this void in my life
And nothing else can take Your place

You're all that I need
Always You, and nothing else
For all else fades
But You stand forever!
Oh, how great You are!
Oh, how awesome You are!

Fill me now, fill my cup
Rain upon this barren land
Lord, refresh me now
And renew my heart
Lord, just take me in Your arms

I've been away for too long
I wana come back, back to Your arms
To feel Your warm embrace
To dwell in Your presence again
I know You'll never let me go
Because You first loved me

A message.

I have a friend who just confessed to me that she is lesbian. And as a friend I know that I should give her my honest opinion to help her. But all I said was "oh...okay." All I did was pretend that I was okay with it. I don't feel right.... Then again, I'm the kind of person who likes to think things through and not end up saying the wrong things. I asked for my sibling's opinions and they said that I should be saying my honest opinions, that I'm not okay with it but still accept her as a friend. They did give me an idea on what to say to her and I told them I'll call her. But....till now, I haven't. It's so hard yet, I know I have to do it. not say it, then....I'm not being a friend. To pretend it didn't happen......I'm not helping. My hands are in a pile of blood. And to not address what is wrong, I am accountable to God. And to think that my relationship with God is kinda shaky at this point. But I know I really need Him to guide me at this. And this really made me turn back to Him even more. And I do not want to go against Him....His commands.

So my dear friend, what I really want to say is this. You are my friend and always will be. That will never change. You being a lesbian, I cannot accept that because it is against my principles in life. It is wrong. You know know what the Lord said about that. I know you have strayed but....turn back to Him. Stop what you are doing! Please.....I don't want to see you damage yourself.

The truth, is hard to tell. And the truth hurts. pain, no gain... aight? I'm not here to tell people what they want to hear. I'm suppose to be telling them things that can help them. But it's so hard for me to do. Is it because I'm scared they'll hate me? Yes, I think that is why. God did say that the world will hate me. Then....I should do this. I have to. For my friend. To bring her back.

My Sama Palak Friend...

This post will be about my friend, Pamela who is very much sama palak with me. We think the same. Really...we do. Freaky but it's kinda cool, you know....having someone who have the same interests and responds the very same way. But we do have our differences lah....

My conversation with Pamela in band went like this. I was trying to tell her I'm hungry....

Christine: Pam....ku rasa ada orang clubbing dalam perut aku lah....

Pamela: Haha!! Doobs! Doobs! Doobs!!

Christine: Haha!!!

One hour later......

Christine: Makin laku club dlm perut aku towk....

Pam: Chio!! Haha!! Doobs! Doobs! Doobs! Doobs! Whoooo~~ Haha!!

During formation practice....

Pam: Christine!! Kita allign!!!!

Christine: Chio..... Yakah?? Oh....Hai!!

Pam: xD

Few minutes later....

Pam: Aih....kenak ko x allign ngan aku??

Christine: Soli-soli...ku salah position tadik.....hehe....

Pam: *pretends to cry*

Christine: Ish....kau tok emo.

Pam: Ko jiwang!! xD

Christine: xD

So what I'm trying to say is, I thank God for people like Pam to be in my life.

Oi Pam, ku sik tauk bila mok main futsal....mun ku dah confirm ku sound kau.....

Thursday, May 1, 2008

One Life Revolution

So yeah, I went for the One Life Revolution exhibition today at The Spring. It was totally unexpected and it's definitely an unforgettable experience.

One Life Revolution is an exhibition to promote AIDS awareness. It's mainly on children who are victims of AIDS and child trafficking. It was so overwhelming. I went through it whole heartedly and it was totally an eye opener. It made me feel grateful for my life now....unlike those kids whose parents died because of AIDS and their siblings being infected as well and having to be burdened to look for money to care for them. They actually have to pick up garbage by the streets and they are being threatened because lorry drivers often leer at them...demanding sex. Having to put myself in their situation and listening to their story.....I almost cried. It was so sad. I, being a teenager, I love to go out and have fun with friends but this teenager?? She has to worry constantly for her family. It makes me feel as though I've been selfish and self-centered....and really, I'm so grateful!

I really encourage all of you to go for this event. I can guarantee you that it'll be a life changing moment. It makes you think and ponder.....and also be more grateful of your current situation. Tell everyone about this event. Personally, I wana bring my youth members for this as I think they should go and support. I want them to be informed! After all, it is considered a Christian event.

I bought the T-shirt too! Totally love it. They sell flip flops as well. And... oh! They give a free bracelet too!!! Sort of like a reminder bout this AIDS thing. Oh yeah!! At the end they'll give you a chop. Signifying whether you are HIV -ve or +ve. Hehe.... I'll post up pics of how the bracelet and the T-shirt looks like...Hehe.... Till then, ciao! I've got band practice tomorrow~~~

The Different Side Of Me

Title: "Poem no. R"

My thoughts so blank
Whatever can I say?
I'm so stuck here
I need some help-an inspiration
Oh, would you inspire me?
Oh, would you breathe into me?

You're my inspiration
I love the way you smile
It brings a deep warmth within me
And God, it makes me tingle!
And you're the only one
who makes me feel this way...

Tell me you love me
Cos I wana share my world with you
It feels so right
With you by my side
And I know.....
We belong together (haha!!)

* yeah, I know. Something so jiwang coming from a girl who never, ever shows her vulnerability. I wrote this in like...15 minutes. Personally, I don't like the last stanza. it's so......I don't know. Comments are very much desired. =) I'm trying to compose a song actually....last2 jadi poem. Oh well...