Turning Over A New Leaf

Hello people! =)


I've been on a long hiatus. Sorry about that. I thought that I could focus more without blogging. Alas, it didn't work. Haha.....=P


Well, at this point, I know it's too late for regrets and sorts but I have to say it out. I shouldn't have continued to degree straight one month after my Foundation studies. My results were out one or two weeks before the start of the semester and there was so limited time to evaluate which Engineering I wanted to take. But I felt a strong inclination towards Mechanical Engineering. However, the study mode just isn't there from the start cos my 1 month break before that didn't feel like a break at all. And so, right now, I regret not taking my time to continue studying. Cos I thought I would be left behind if I did. Kiasu ma. I felt that it would be shameful to be in a class with people a year younger than you. Then again....when I think about it, being left behind is no necessarily a bad thing. It is a lot more shameful when you didn't do well. I should have listened to my gut feelings but now it's too late. I wasted money AND precious time. *Sighs*


I was thinking of changing course....then again, I still feel that I want to continue doing Mechanical Engineering. I just want to do it again. Get a new start. Starting over isn't always a bad thing. Why the sudden regret? Well, just I was confronted by Halil, a classmate of mine since Foundation. He was like "Chris, kenak ku nangga kau macam x mok blajar jak.. Kau jarang masok class semua ya....nang lain bha. Last sem ko rajin masok class...pa kes tok?" Kinda struck me there for a second. I mean, I know I've been slacking and all....and I've been telling myself where my flaws are. But some things need to come from another person's mouth for a better realization. So I just told him that I've been slacking this semester. Seriously...my grades are getting worse. Seems like I don't want to study at all. All that money wasted. But I'll make sure next semester will be better. Like my old self. =) Maybe even better! =D


There's tonnes of things I wana do next holiday. The great thing about Swinburne is that, you study for 3-4months and you have 3 months' break. So I'll be on holiday for 3 months, yay! Cos exam starts next Monday and ends next Wednesday. We can say that one week from now, is my freedom from studying. Yay! Hehe....


The first thing I'd like to do is de-stress. I have been working my ass off this year. That there's been too many things going on and so, it is time for me to re-evaluate my life and say no to certain things. Because the hols after my Foundation studies was occupied with church events which took up a lot of my time and energy and brain power. Up till now, there was no break at all for me. It is time for a break. I've been overworking myself to the point where I became indecisive which is unlike me. So there are some things that need to be fixed.


This holiday will begin with relaxation and rejuvenation. Maybe retail therapy will go after that because I have been saving up my money for the next sales. Yay! =D Time to spend my money wisely and start saving for my future. There are things that I wana do with my money in future. I do hope that I will be on my way to develop my skills in drawing. I dream of becoming a fashion designer. And so, I have to take the initiative to develop my dream. I'm currently modifying a vintage dress that I bought last year for RM5 to make it more current and more figure flattering. So these are some of the things I'm gona do.


Apart from that, I wana help my mom do cooking cos I really miss cooking. =) And I wana learn more complex stuff from her. Since in the future, I will be a wife and a mother someday, I must be able to do these things. I wana clean the house, do some baking...argh.....there's so many things I'd like to do! I wonder whether 3 months is enough. Don't forget to add in procrastination and laziness as well in that time frame. ;-)


I shall start over. I shall fix myself. I shall be better.


Come what may for this semester's result, I'll have to not care. Because I didn't put in the necessary effort anyway. I just want to start over on the right foot, that's all. =)


But I need to make sure my GPA's a minimum of 2.00 for Yayasan Sarawak to continue funding me.
Meh.
How hard can it be to achieve that?
Hahaha....


It's great being optimistic.
=D

That's all for now!
Remember, starting over isn't necessarily a bad thing.
;-)


Oh yeah, I wana start dance lessons at Studio 23.
Modern Jazz dance, here I come!


Time to release all that stress through sweat!

Remorse and Regret

I seriously have anger management issues. Not proud of it. But gotta admit it. The first step to be released of something is to confess it and then repentance. Anger consumed me and I acted out. Didn't think straight. Didn't think of the ripples of my actions. Now those close to me are hurt. Come to think of it, haven't been thinking straight lately. Too much going on...too much. I shall apologize to everyone. Really I am. I'm such a shit right now. It was stupid. Now everything in my perfect world is ruined. All because of one thing. Now people can't look at me the same. Unfair, because it's just one time but I accept it. I accept it no matter what. As a punishment for my wrong doings. After this, I shall take a break. Yes, a break is what I need. To settle personal issues. To let go of ALL the pent up stress for this 3 month's time. And for people to just forget about me. If only someone could just ask me how's my day...and allow me let out what's bothering me...perhaps, none of this would have happened. It IS my fault and I'm sorry but sorry does not change things. Kill me then if you hate my face so much. I'd rather you do that than for me to live right now. This pain is agonizing. And forgive me, Lord. What kind of example have I been to You anyway? Then again...I haven't been close with the Lord lately. Probably that is why. At this point of my life...there is too much going on. There are too many things that I worry about. Even little ones. Right now, I'm going to have exams, gotta polish up my assignments and balance everything out. My studies, I'm lagging behind. Far behind. And exam's next week. I'm a wreck at this point. Please, do pray for me. I am weak emotionally, physically and spiritually. It is not a pleasant feeling. Rehab is what I will need. I hope you all will accept my apology. If you don't, then it's fine. Is there anywhere I can run to?

*jing jing jing jing* such a wonderful sound! Can't wait for it.....can't wait for exams to be over...and then it'll be *jing jing jing jing* oh, wat joyous sound! Hohohohoho.............

I wish I could meet a really good computer programmer right now cos I'd love to ask him/her to do my assignment so that I can submit it tomorrow......ahh......Wishful Thinking.

=)

Clubbing - Right or Wrong?

So last night I went partying at Barzing for Sonia's birthday. It was the first that I actually partied in a bar and drank Tequila and Sex on The Beach. All paid by Keith. The last time I went with my cousins and I wasn't close to some of them so I didn't really dance and stuff.

Reasons for going Clubbing - Wanna try something new, out of curiosity, wanna dance!, so I can have my own opinion on clubbing.

When I got there, I just feel that I can't dance cos....how can you dance with people you don't really know? In the group, I only knew Sonia and Faisal well. The rest, I just met them so I'm a bit reserved cos you can't just trust people that instant. Plus they're guys and I didn't go with my boyfriend. I don't want to give them the impression that I'm available and it is not like me to throw myself at guys. I don't do that.


After the shot of Tequila, I kinda loosen up a bit and danced. =D I love the dancing part. And I do know how to enjoy myself. And Keith bought Sex on The Beach for Sonia and I. Still I can say that I hate alcohol because 1) it tastes like cough syrup 2) it has a burning and warm feeling inside my tummy that I don't like 3) it's not good for my voice 4) the feeling of getting tipsy is not pleasant. It's not my first time consuming alcohol but still....I never liked it and never will. It still intrigues me why people enjoy drinking it and getting drunk. The feeling is so not nice. Maybe because I like myself the way I am. I dunno.... And I don't think I can ever understand.


After the whole dancing session, we stopped and that's when I realized that I was getting tipsy and at my limit. I know I have to stop drinking. Kinda relieved that it was over then until I heard one of the gang suggested to go for another round at Monster Tongue. I was like "Oh man.....". I couldn't drive for a while cos I needed to get used to the spinning thing going on in my head so I let Sonia do the driving to Monster Tongue. In my tipsy-ness, Sonia asked me if I enjoyed myself and whether I'll be joining them in the future. I just honestly said "No.". Surprisingly I'm very honest in my tipsy-ness. But I have to be honest there and then. I don't mean to ruin her birthday and all....but this thing is not my thing. When we reached Monster Tongue, I just told them "Okay, I'm going home. See you guys!". Come on, I live with my parents! And I'm driving! I can't go home in a drunken state. My mom is cool about me going out late BUT I must not break her trust. If I go home much later AND in a drunken state, I'll be saying goodbye to her trust, goodbye to going out and goodbye car. So after explaining, they understand and let me go.


On my way home, I was telling God to keep me thinking straight while driving cos I need to get home safe and sound. Thank God I did. While driving, I was analysing the whole thing that happened. Honestly, when one of them suggested Monster Tongue, the Holy Spirit kinda prompted me to go back. Cos the moment that suggestion came, "Go back" kept resounding in my head. Also, I decided that though it was fun, I am not going to do this ever again. It's compromising my belief. And I am being among people who don't know God and follow Him. It reminded me of the Isrealites. God commanded them to drive out all the Ammonites, the Jebusites and the Peruzzites but they didn't. The consequences of what they did was they defiled themselves by inter-marrying with those pagan nations and the Isrealites began worshipping their gods. That was why God commanded them to eliminate everything even their children and women, it is so that the Isrealites will not worship other gods. And there I was with people of the world. Now, I may say that there's nothing wrong....I won't get drunk....I won't go over. But I know that if I go on doing this, I will say a different thing. Run from temptation, as said in Proverbs. What I see in there...girls indirectly selling themselves and of course, the excessive drinking and smoking, it is nothing a follower of Jesus Christ do! To continue going there would mean I am compromising and saying 'it's okay'. I do not want to compromise. I do not want to give up my faith. I am willing to stop clubbing and biar jak orang pikir aku tok alim. But I will never give up Jesus for anything. It's not worth it.


The Bible never said "Thou shalt not go clubbing". But I have my own opinion. If you want to go clubbing, go ahead. But I have made my own decision. I will not continue going clubbing. I have many reasons. Well, I guess by now you should know my ultimate reason for not continuing. For Christians, I kind of walking on a fine line and playing with fire. The Devil's all out to take us away from God. So....gotta be careful and make your stand.


Anyway, I can say....it's so easy to do all those bad stuff and get you conscientiousness seared. In one night, I learned all that. And to do what you do, I can do too. But to be a Christian, it's not easy. Stuff like these, I just have to give it up. Cos it's not leading me to the right direction. And I challenge you to be me. It's not going to be easy to take up the cross. I can cheat in my exams if I wanted to and easily too. But I didn't. I could've swindled people and take advantage of them but I didn't. All because of the fear and reverence of the Lord. Fear and reverence is like.....towards your parents. You still obey them because you love them. Same case as this. So....try be me for a day. Can you handle it?

Swinburne Dance Party 2009

Hey guys! How you've been?


A lot of stuff going on but I couldn't blog about em due to crazy internet connection the past few days.

The Dance Party

So last weekend I went to Swinburne's Dance Party. It was fun! But what I didn't like about it is that in the midst of the songs, there will be some people stealing the limelight. Some people will be doing their moves and people would stop dancing and just go around them and watch them do a showdown. But...it's a dance party. EVERYONE should be dancing. EVERYONE should be participating in dancing...not just a few people.

People dancing on stage.

People watching those limelight stealers.

I enjoyed dancing with Mel, Joyce and Sonia. Man....Joyce and Mel can really move! And we don't even need booze to get all crazy and have moves. =]


Oh, and being a Swinburne student, we have a lot of benefits. We get discounts at certain bookstores, we've got the best facilities, great lecturers. And...in the library...you can see people actually studying and doing discussions. Awesome study environment. We even get discounts at certain cafes like 5 Loaves Cafe. Uhm....and that night, they told us that Swinburne students have discounts at Monster Tongue on Friday and Saturday nights. I wonder if it applies to all students but...discounts are discounts.


After the party, I bumped into my friend and she asked me whether I'm going to Monster Tongue after that. Like duh, of course not! I was on my way to Kado. Finally I tried that place. My.....the burgers are huge there! Haha!!! It's my first time eating a burger with fork and knife. I usually use my fingers. But in the end, I used my fingers. I just can't enjoy it eating burgers that way. Some pics while we were there...

My Beef Burger

Faisal taking a BIG bite! xD

Arvin and Faisal tengah suk makan.

JD took this pic.

Really...such an awesome evening spent with friends and my beloved. I love them and I love him so much! Such company is precious. =) Again, love you guys! =D

New Toys

I got myself a new toy today! And I'm so totally syked about it that I just gotta tell the whole world!! Today.....I got myself ..................

MAKEUP BRUSHES!! Yahooo...........
I really love the makeup bag that it comes with it.

Got these darlings at Elianto for RM62. It's a lot cheaper compared to The Face Shop. But I believe you can find cheaper elsewhere but I do believe in quality. So Elianto should be alright. I decided that I like doing makeup even more after St. Faith's 40th anniversary dinner. The Youth Ministry did a skit and we did some makeup. However, my tools were limited so I couldn't do much. These tools are to serve me creatively. I really wana venture into stage makeup. And maybe you'll find this blog interesting, Kandee The Makeup Artist . She's got really interesting stage makeup going on there and I'd like to learn more.

More pics of my darling new toys...



My weapon of choice. The Face Brush.
I'ma smack yer zits with it.



As you can see, my photos were not edited. And so, you can see that my face is red and stuff but I don't mind. I shall show you how I really do look like without my makeup. I think I look beautiful just the way I am. And so do you! Also, I didn't change my shirt for this. I know the whole world is watching but there's a lot more important things in this world than to look beautiful....like saving people. That's more important. =)