Friday, May 16, 2008

Bitter Reality.

Well yeah....kinda facing bitter reality right now. Sighs.....fuh!!! Really....upset much. But truth be told, I am tired of what I'm doing. If I go on, I'll be draining life out of me. And worse....I am leading myself to the road of self-destruction. I'm tired. I'm sick of what I'm doing. And it was all not worth it. And....I have to admit, I lost sight of what's more important in life.

Okay, so I guess you're all wondering "What the hell is she talking about?!!". Well, turns out the guy that I love treats me as a sister all these while and he is in love with my friend, Sylvia. I knew it all along....but never really wanted to accept it. Instead, I tried taking Sylvia away from him by introducing her to Cyril. It was all part of my "master" plan. But....who am I kidding? His heart still longs for someone else. And I don't want to do this anymore. Enough is enough. I'm being too possessive.

I feel quite embarrassed to post this in here but....I need to let it out. Confess it and let go. If I just keep holding it in, it will grow and become bitterness instead. Cancerous, infecting me and draining life out of me. Consuming my very soul. And instead of having him, I end up losing him. Which is worse. And I don't want that at all.

I am sad. But who wouldn't be? I won't cry though.... Never will. But I want to. It's as though....I'm immune to tears. If he treats me as a sister, then I shall treat him as my brother. Would be a lot more fun for him to be my brother anyway.

Love has always been unfair to me. Sometimes I wonder, is this even love anyway? Sometimes, instead of giving more love, it gives more pain. I don't understand. Nor do I comprehend or thing or whatever you call it. It's not like I'm unfamiliar with this....hurt I'm feeling. I've been here before. The situation is a little different but the hurt? Still the same....always the same and will be the same. Well, maybe it does hurt more this time...

It will take days for me to recover from this wound. Cos it is quite deep. But I know I'll be better, stronger and wiser. So no worries everyone. I'll be fine. You'll see.... For those of you who know me, you know I'm strong enough to go through this. I know I'm not the kind of person who breaks down easily either. There are better things in life that means so much more than this.

Thank you. =)

P.S. - At least this situation I'm in inspired me. =)

No comments: