Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I can smell freedom. It is near......

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Turning Over A New Leaf

Hello people! =)

I've been on a long hiatus. Sorry about that. I thought that I could focus more without blogging. Alas, it didn't work. Haha.....=P

Well, at this point, I know it's too late for regrets and sorts but I have to say it out. I shouldn't have continued to degree straight one month after my Foundation studies. My results were out one or two weeks before the start of the semester and there was so limited time to evaluate which Engineering I wanted to take. But I felt a strong inclination towards Mechanical Engineering. However, the study mode just isn't there from the start cos my 1 month break before that didn't feel like a break at all. And so, right now, I regret not taking my time to continue studying. Cos I thought I would be left behind if I did. Kiasu ma. I felt that it would be shameful to be in a class with people a year younger than you. Then again....when I think about it, being left behind is no necessarily a bad thing. It is a lot more shameful when you didn't do well. I should have listened to my gut feelings but now it's too late. I wasted money AND precious time. *Sighs*

I was thinking of changing course....then again, I still feel that I want to continue doing Mechanical Engineering. I just want to do it again. Get a new start. Starting over isn't always a bad thing. Why the sudden regret? Well, just I was confronted by Halil, a classmate of mine since Foundation. He was like "Chris, kenak ku nangga kau macam x mok blajar jak.. Kau jarang masok class semua ya....nang lain bha. Last sem ko rajin masok class...pa kes tok?" Kinda struck me there for a second. I mean, I know I've been slacking and all....and I've been telling myself where my flaws are. But some things need to come from another person's mouth for a better realization. So I just told him that I've been slacking this semester. Seriously...my grades are getting worse. Seems like I don't want to study at all. All that money wasted. But I'll make sure next semester will be better. Like my old self. =) Maybe even better! =D

There's tonnes of things I wana do next holiday. The great thing about Swinburne is that, you study for 3-4months and you have 3 months' break. So I'll be on holiday for 3 months, yay! Cos exam starts next Monday and ends next Wednesday. We can say that one week from now, is my freedom from studying. Yay! Hehe....

The first thing I'd like to do is de-stress. I have been working my ass off this year. That there's been too many things going on and so, it is time for me to re-evaluate my life and say no to certain things. Because the hols after my Foundation studies was occupied with church events which took up a lot of my time and energy and brain power. Up till now, there was no break at all for me. It is time for a break. I've been overworking myself to the point where I became indecisive which is unlike me. So there are some things that need to be fixed.

This holiday will begin with relaxation and rejuvenation. Maybe retail therapy will go after that because I have been saving up my money for the next sales. Yay! =D Time to spend my money wisely and start saving for my future. There are things that I wana do with my money in future. I do hope that I will be on my way to develop my skills in drawing. I dream of becoming a fashion designer. And so, I have to take the initiative to develop my dream. I'm currently modifying a vintage dress that I bought last year for RM5 to make it more current and more figure flattering. So these are some of the things I'm gona do.

Apart from that, I wana help my mom do cooking cos I really miss cooking. =) And I wana learn more complex stuff from her. Since in the future, I will be a wife and a mother someday, I must be able to do these things. I wana clean the house, do some baking...argh.....there's so many things I'd like to do! I wonder whether 3 months is enough. Don't forget to add in procrastination and laziness as well in that time frame. ;-)

I shall start over. I shall fix myself. I shall be better.

Come what may for this semester's result, I'll have to not care. Because I didn't put in the necessary effort anyway. I just want to start over on the right foot, that's all. =)

But I need to make sure my GPA's a minimum of 2.00 for Yayasan Sarawak to continue funding me.
How hard can it be to achieve that?

It's great being optimistic.

That's all for now!
Remember, starting over isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Oh yeah, I wana start dance lessons at Studio 23.
Modern Jazz dance, here I come!

Time to release all that stress through sweat!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Remorse and Regret

I seriously have anger management issues. Not proud of it. But gotta admit it. The first step to be released of something is to confess it and then repentance. Anger consumed me and I acted out. Didn't think straight. Didn't think of the ripples of my actions. Now those close to me are hurt. Come to think of it, haven't been thinking straight lately. Too much going on...too much. I shall apologize to everyone. Really I am. I'm such a shit right now. It was stupid. Now everything in my perfect world is ruined. All because of one thing. Now people can't look at me the same. Unfair, because it's just one time but I accept it. I accept it no matter what. As a punishment for my wrong doings. After this, I shall take a break. Yes, a break is what I need. To settle personal issues. To let go of ALL the pent up stress for this 3 month's time. And for people to just forget about me. If only someone could just ask me how's my day...and allow me let out what's bothering me...perhaps, none of this would have happened. It IS my fault and I'm sorry but sorry does not change things. Kill me then if you hate my face so much. I'd rather you do that than for me to live right now. This pain is agonizing. And forgive me, Lord. What kind of example have I been to You anyway? Then again...I haven't been close with the Lord lately. Probably that is why. At this point of my life...there is too much going on. There are too many things that I worry about. Even little ones. Right now, I'm going to have exams, gotta polish up my assignments and balance everything out. My studies, I'm lagging behind. Far behind. And exam's next week. I'm a wreck at this point. Please, do pray for me. I am weak emotionally, physically and spiritually. It is not a pleasant feeling. Rehab is what I will need. I hope you all will accept my apology. If you don't, then it's fine. Is there anywhere I can run to?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

*jing jing jing jing* such a wonderful sound! Can't wait for it.....can't wait for exams to be over...and then it'll be *jing jing jing jing* oh, wat joyous sound! Hohohohoho.............

Friday, November 6, 2009

I wish I could meet a really good computer programmer right now cos I'd love to ask him/her to do my assignment so that I can submit it tomorrow......ahh......Wishful Thinking.