Saturday, March 20, 2010


Today was GB's Award's Day. An event where the girls get their awards for their hard work. I felt good about myself during this day. And at the same time, I felt bad. I felt bad because....I am actually deciding on not going for GB anymore. And yet....they are still praising me for my contributions.

Truth is, I have no heart for this. I have tried liking it. I did. still isn't enough to make me wana come every week. Every week, I have to force myself to come. Like there is no thrill to it. I just can't be enthusiastic about GB as I can be enthusiastic about band. It's just not the same.

Throughout my 2 years in GB, (Gosh, that's how long I forced myself to go??) I can say that the girls are lacking or should I emphasize more, DESTITUTE of discipline. I know the officers are doing a great job on the spiritual part but not the discipline part. I think they are too concerned about the spiritual part of GB that they overlooked the discipline part. It's true that one needs to have Christ in their lives to be changed. But we need to remind ourselves that we are a UNIFORM BODY. And these are teenagers we're dealing with. I couldn't emphasize more. It is our job to try and impart discipline in them.

Honestly....sometimes I don't like what the girls post in Facebook. If I compare them to the band kids in my previous school, the band kids are a whole lot better. Band kids are what you call....what you see is what you get. The girls....some pretend. Best part about band kids is that not all are Christians and it's not all about Christianity but they are so much better than GB girls. Of course, when they are on field and doing work, they really do their work. Off field, they're like a bunch of hooligans. But at least they know when to work and play. The GB girls? Sad to say...they can't even salute properly. How la?

In my honest opinion, GB suddenly became a community centre. I watched on TV, a community centre is a place where they take in girls who have been rejected by their families - teenage pregnant mothers, teen mothers, delinquents etc. to do things for self-improvement like sewing, cooking and stuff. That's what GB suddenly become. But we are not a community centre. We're a uniform body! I really need to stress that.

These girls never really know what it's like to be enthusiastic. To look forward to something. In band, they LOVE coming for practice every week without fail. They just keep coming that when they don't have to come, they still want to come! Instead of begging them to come, we have to beg them to stay home! That's the kind of dedication band kids have. GB girls? No. I don't see that in them. I can see from some of their face and body language that they're not so thrilled to be there every week. They look like semadi jak mok datang...for their KK marks. That's all. Some are enthusiastic. But not the extreme kind that I see in band. It's just not enough.

I think GB Malaysia needs to re-evaluate the GB program. We have been using the same GB program structure since like...what? The 70s? What was relevant then may not be relevant now. Times have changed. Kids are getting more and more advanced. We need to cater for their current needs. How to get them interested and keep them coming. We need to revamp and be current to attract kids to come. And from there, we can sow God's word into their lives. But with the current structure, I don't think it's going to be very effective anymore. Us officers have that responsibility. In order to keep them coming, we need to keep updating.

As much as I would like to continue, my heart is not there at all. I know I will miss out on opportunities but if my heart isn't there, there is no point in being there at all. I need to humble myself to leave instead of keeping my pride by staying. I wana do other things. I hope I find a constructive one and one that I really love doing. Somewhere where I can really contribute. GB is not suitable for me. Unless there is change. I know....some may tell me,"Why don't you be the change?" I ask that myself a lot but I can't. There's a lot of work in that and I can't spend so much time on this. Besides, I want to be more involved in my uni.

That's all for now. I really need to let this out. I hope that I don't sound that I'm dissing. But I need to move on and keep searching what I really want to do. Where do I fit in. I need to.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Kuching Meets Singa

Hohoho.....I'm back from Singapore!!'s been about 3 days since a came back. Been lazy to blog about my trip but I shall do it today. Teehee...

What can I say bout my trip to Singapore?

Watch Paramore live. Check.
Meet Paramore in person. Uncheck.

Well, it was my first time overseas so I am definitely stoked bout this trip. And it was so amazing! Watching Paramore live in front of me still feels so unreal! It won't be real unless I meet Paramore in person. That would be much better. It's in my to-do list before I die. Meet them in person.

Hayley live on stage was unbelievable! She headbanged and jumped and run around the stage and she didn't even have pitch problems. It's like what you hear on the radio. It's like what you watch on a Youtube video. It's just....perfect! Perfect pitching on vocals. Awesome showmanship. She really knows how to connect with the crowd. Performers like her don't come around very often.

I got myself a Paramore T-Shirt. And I got interviewed (is that the word?) by MTV Asia. Well, some woman with a camera man approached me and ask if I would like to give a shoutout to Paramore while showing our T-shirts. So I got my friends with me and we gave a shoutout. Funny thing is we promoted Borneo more than we did Malaysia. =P If Paramore does come to Malaysia or better still, Sarawak, credits to us then. xD Despite not being able to meet Paramore and have a picture with them, at least I still get to have my moment with MTV Asia right? Hopefully Paramore saw my shoutout. I'm gona be mad if they didn't. Buang air liur aku jak. Hahaha...

Seems like I'm talking so much about Paramore that I haven't talked about Singapore yet. But Paramore...there's just so much to talk about, really. There's this group of crazy girls who I found out were from Malaysia too. They made a really nice banner just for this. And they started mostof the cheers before Paramore actually performed. I'm so proud of my fellow Malaysians. =] Btw, there's this girl in front of me who kept camwhoring. She kept taking the same angle for like...more than 10 times? Really annoying. It's not the camwhoring that's annoying but the flash. Gosh!! It really blinded my eyes la. Want to camwhore, please la....turn off your flash okay? And tukarlah angle. You won't look any different with the same angle. Some people....they are just too absurdly vain. Sempat also I took a picture of this camwhore. Hahaha....jaik kan?

Hayley actually said that Singapore was the loudest crowd they ever had. And I'm like 'Seriously??'. I bet she was just saying that to please us or something. And she promised that in 5 years time, she'll come again to Singapore cos it was just so fun. And I was like..."Hey...the crazy ones are from Malaysia!" LOL. =P But seriously. The people at the standing pen were like not doing so much. In a Paramore concert, one must headbang. And one must show the devil's horn. Personally, my friends and I should be in front to show them how it's done. Yeahhh....

Life at not a life I would wana live. Too fast paced. Everyone's rushing around me. Sometimes I'd like to just stop them and say "Hey, slow down. Enjoy life." with a smile on my face. That is what I think Singapore needs every now and then. I noticed that you don't see any overweight or obese Singaporeans. They are pretty much fit. Well, they rely a lot on public transportation. And my 3 or 4 days experience there showed me why they are kinda fit. I didn't even feel semput during the concert. The days walking around the city really prepared me for the concert.

It's tall buildings everywhere in Singapore. I've never seen a place where tall buildings are located so near each other. On the air, it looked like a LEGO display. Hahaha.... But shoppping there is definitely awesome. Let's not think of converting la ha. Food there's cheap too. I did quite a lot of shopping. Found really cute gifts for my friends and boyfriend too.

What I like a bout Singapore is that it's civillized. I can just text people out in the open without worrying that people would eye my phone and snatched it from me. Cos...well....people are mostly using iPhones or Blackberrys. Me? I'm using a very outdated k770i as compared to their phone. I can just listen to my iPod without worrying too. And I was sakai about the auto flushing toilets. Hahaha!! I like how organized thar city is. I said. Not one that I would like to live in. I would die if you ask me to stay another day there.

The length of time that I stayed there was just nice. Reached Singapore pretty early and enjoyed the next 3 full days just getting lost in the city and doing some shopping. It isn't that expensive to travel there. As long as you know where to shop and where to eat. You won't go wrong. The 3rd night was the concert and after the concert, I felt that it was a great way to end my trip and I was ready and desperate to go home already. Hahaha....besides, I was missing him already.

So that's my trip to Singapore. And I got to see my favourite band performing live. It's just such a blessing to be able to achieve my dreams. When I first heard that Paramore's gona have a concert at Singapore, I thought that never in a million years I'd be able to go. But I did anyway. This experience is proof that I can achieve my dreams if I put some effort and take some risks.

Monday, March 1, 2010

In Memory of Jason Kiu

On February 26th at 2am, I lost a friend. His name's Jason Kiu. Not sure if you guys know him but I can tell you he's a nice guy.

When I found out about this really awful news, I can't help but feel regret. I regret not maintaining a better friendship with him. You see, I was a classmate of his way back in Form 2. I sat behind him so naturally we became friends. We had awesome times in class. We're also Prefects at the time which was cool. Know why? We can go out early for recess. So sometimes we hang out in and out of class. The thing that I remember most about him was that he is definitely a very nice guy, who cares about his family, and is easy to talk to.

It is sad that a life of a person who is nice being taken away. Even more so that he is still young. He just turned 19 December last year. He barely made it to 20. Just gone too soon. He had a life ahead of him.

Prior to his death, he lost control of his car and it mowed down some wired fences and hit a huge tree. The car then overturned to the middle of the road. He didn't die on the spot but he died on the way to the hospital due to massive bleeding. Investigators believe the cause of his death is speed. The car he used was bought barely a month ago. A Honda Accord by the way.

I went to his funeral yesterday. A lot of people were there to pay their last respects. Many of whom are 20 year olds like me from SMK Green Road. Really great to see all of them again. Saw a few Swinburnians there too. Even the Chancellor, Mr. Helmut was there. It just shows how good Jason was. How one way or another, he impacted our lives.

The funeral was hard to watch. For most part, I was putting myself in their shoes so that I can digest everything one by one. First, his devastated sister. I imagined if it were my brother, I would be welling up like her because we spent a lot of time together and constantly advising my little brother to drive carefully but yet didn't listen. In a way, I would be questioning "Why didn't he listen??"

Secondly, the mother who was sobbing all the way after the funeral service ended. That was the hardest to watch. I can imagine, if that was my only boy and my baby..... I would be sobbing away like her. I also imagined if that were my own mother. Losing her favourite son like that. It's not a pretty sight to see.

Then there is the girlfriend that I saw at the burial site. If that was my boyfriend, I would definitely be hysterical. I can't imagine losing someone whom I love like that. It would hurt so much! Not being able to hear his voice ever again. Not being able to hug him anymore. Him not being there for me anymore. Losing someone whom you gave your heart to would feel like you lost your hopes of a future with him. And that feeling sucks. It is worse than a break up. This one I can relate to even more.

As for me, as a friend, I am truly shocked. Shocked because I didn't expect this. We take it for granted that just because we're just 20, we still have tomorrow. Truth is, we can go anytime. Cos we don't know what the future holds. But as a friend, I regret as afore mentioned. I have this habit of leaving the past behind. That instead of building bridges, I built walls around me. It made me think whatever happened to my friendship with him anyway? I did talk to him but it was just small talk. Somehow it didn't feel enough. I've seen him around in campus. I remembered the last time I saw him, I smiled at him. And....who knew that would be the last smiles we'd ever exchanged huh?

One thing that bothered me the most - a soul is lost. I don't even know whether this guy accepted Jesus Christ. We may be church going people, but that does not mean it gives us a passport to heaven. It just makes us bench warmers. I don't agree with the doctrine of praying that his soul gets to heaven after death but I believe in praying for his family members for peace. Sides, I don't recall ever reading it in the Bible. The getting to heaven part, I leave that in the hands of God to judge.

It was an interesting experience being in a Roman Catholic church. I got so curious along the way cos there were some things that they did that I don't usually do in my church. So there were a lot of 'why this' and 'why thats'. I do that in my own church sometimes. I do that eveywhere cos I believe I should have my own stand rather than believing in the God of my parents or fill my head with "He said, she said.". You never know whether people are intentionally feeding you lies or giving the wrong information. That is why it's important to question everything that's thrown at you and do your own homework.

Anyway, I lari topic edi.....

So.....I learned so much from this experience. And I certainly will not forget Jason Kiu. Because this reminded me and made me realize some things. That there are things in me that I need to change. And whenever I pass by Jln Ong Tiang Swee to campus, I will always remember. How can I not remember anyway?

Rest in peace Jason. I pray that the family of Jason Kiu would have peace and that Jesus will be with them in their time of grief. And that He would carry them through this hard time.