High Maintenance

To be honest.....


I can't wait till my best friend is gone after my foundation studies. She'll be going elsewhere after this and I can't help but feel......relieved.


Not that she's bad or mean...it's just that, she's high maintenance. It's so hard to have a friend like her. The only reason she does not have any other friends is cos I'm the only one who can "maintain" her. And sometimes, I don't think that it's fair that I always have to try and perk up her mood and stuff. Cos she's the one who's always having problems and looking really emo. I mean, I have my own problems but I have Jesus. So my problems don't seem to be such a big deal actually. She's high maintenance not cos I spend lots of money on her but.....I spend a lot of my emotions and time on her. When she was down, I am the one she would turn to sometimes and when she doesn't have anyone to hang out with, I'd hang out with her. And when she was totally depressed one time, I actually went over to her room and tried to pujuk her and spent the whole day with her. High maintenance isn't it?


I don't know why some people just....can't seem to set their heads right. It's not fair for me but nevertheless, she is still my friend. Josef once asked me,"Why are you still hanging with her?" At the time, I really don't know what to say....but it made me think, it made me go..."Yeah....why?" Well, what would Jesus do if you were in my position? Would you just let her go and self-destruct? You wouldn't want that.....cos guilt will haunt you cos you KNOW you could've made a difference. I am trying to make what little difference I can make in her. Even if it means being unable to hang out with people that I like more often. The past few days, I have to admit that I wasn't studying with her but with other people. Being with Josef and the people he hangs around with makes me feel so relieved! With these people, I feel normal cos they're really normal people.


I'm sure you're asking why don't I bring her along. I tried, ok? Just this afternoon she was acting all anti-social but I forced to come anyway. I didn't want her to be alone in her room and sulking. I am pretty disappointed in her though. She didn't say much and on the way back she was just on the phone. It sucks to see her this way cos it was really rude. I know she's having loads of stress dealing with her new place of stay and her recently breaking up with someone who she was about to marry but didn't and Thank God for that! She said she wanted to have a new life. Right now, just seeing her that way, how can she when she can't even start a new life with these friends of mine? How? She can't even make herself comfortable.


And sometimes, her emo-ness can spread to me. -_-"


Well, I don't know but all I know is, I'm gona be one happy, jolly person after she's gone!!


Oh God, when I go to Degree, please, I know you want me to be a kind soul but.....can I not have a friend so high maintenance like this?