Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Let Truth Be Told!

Just now at class, Zain's at it again. Flirting and trying to get my number or ask me out for dinner. It's so hard to do it all over again. Rejecting. It's such a hard thing to do without being harsh. Well, I managed not being harsh but he still doesn't get it.

He wanted me to have dinner with him. At McDonald's. It's so tempting to say 'yes'. Cos he's really handsome. He really is. But I know I can't. I know when he wants to ask me out. Before I hesitate, I would give a 'no'. Because if I hesitate, I will say 'yes'. Even though he said to go out as friends just now, I don't want to. Simply because I know it is a harmless trap set up so that I would have feelings for him and give me a chance for me to throw myself at him. I know that. I'm sure you know that too. When you hang out with someone of the opposite sex and get close to them, you are bound to have 'feelings' for them. You'd be lying if you say that's not true. It's plain and simple human nature and 'gospel truth'.

Truth is, I like him only for his looks. Other than that, no. He's a nice guy, yeah. But everytime I reject him, he'd say I'm mean. He means it as a joke but I feel bad when he says so. I feel sorry for rejecting him when he says that and makes me think twice. But it's just his gimmick on me. He KNOWS I'm nice. And he kinda uses it to manipulate me. I don't like it at all. That's why I don't like him. He makes me feel bad and somtimes, humiliate me in front of people without him realising it.

I'm sorry I have to reject you. I'm sorry that I make you crazy. I'm sorry that you love my smiles. I'm sorry that I blow your mind. If I could dissappear and make you stop hoping, I would cos it's difficult on me too.

You only want to put me into a position where I am most vulnerable so that I'll go for you. But the thing is, I wish I could love you for you. Not just your looks.

Besides, my heart is captivated by the one guy who makes me love him genuinely for being himself. He may not be as good-looking as you, Zain, but he sure does have better qualities than you. Hope you understand.

Friends, do pray for me so that I won't fall into temptation. I need the wisdom and endurance for this. Cos it's really not easy. =(

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

-The Scientist, Coldplay-

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