Tuesday, December 1, 2009

What I've Learned

It's been almost a week since my exams ended and I still haven't posted anything. Hahaha......

Well, I'm gona put the thought of my results aside and focus on making myself better.

This semester, I learned a lot actually. Especially about people. I learned that the people around you may be nice to you but behind your back, they say bad things about you. But I also learned that true friends defend your name when those things said about you weren't nice. And I also learned to be nice to people that have said bad things about me. Which in turn, made me win the war that I have never started.

But it did affect my self-esteem though. It took me back to when I was Form 5, the worse of my secondary school years. Anyways, the person that said bad things about me was my classmate back in Form 5. Weird thing is, he's a guy. Talk about man-bitch much! The worse part is, he's my lab partner. Sometimes it made me wonder, if you want me to change, why don't you just say it straight to my face? I guess he had no balls to do that. Instead, he told another girl who is his best friend and I thought she was nice but apparently wasn't and she said not-so-nice things about me. Too bad for her, the people she said stuff bout me were my friends, who knows me well. And the funny thing is, I'm not close to her.

Why say bad things about other people when you barely even know them?

Which is a lesson for me too. Always give a person a chance and have your own opinion of that person rather than believing what people tell you.

No wonder every time I am with that group of people, I feel so uncomfortable. My gut feelings were right. Those people, behind the facade of smiles, lies a black heart. Guess I'm not fit enough to fit in? I'm an awkward piece of puzzle. Those people is the group you would die to fit in. Seriously. They look like a bunch of nice people. Friendly....

But whatever.
I never do fit in actually.
Because I always want to be different.

To say they are a hypocrite?
I'm one too.

To say they're fake?
So am I.

So what I did was just buat 'dek' and be nice.
That's all I can do.
Better I
buat tak tauk than to make a scene. Cos I don't like getting attention. Especially the wrong kind of attention. I have a reputation to maintain.
The reputation of my Lord and King.

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