Thursday, January 16, 2014

New Year, New Outlook

Happy New Year everyone! I know it is albeit late but I thought I should compose myself and decide on what to say in my new year post. It will be filled with words and not pictures for I decided that I will share on my insights and lesson(s) learnt in 2013. 2013....what can I say? It was an amazing year with a lot of downs at the beginning of it. It was challenging as I started the year so, so depressed and it went on from there till mid-year where I found my strength and hope once again. I lost weight because of that and people were asking. I shared with only my closest friend and people in my youth group what I was going through. Depressed as I was, I still wanted to live despite thinking death was better than the feeling I have everyday. Good thing I didn't dare take my own life! I thank God that He was always faithful through and through - thankful that even though I had given up, He certainly did not! Through my friends and my youth group, even though they did not entirely know or understand what I was going through, their company and their presence was like God's hand extending out to me. I am still trying to get back because from all that weight loss and terrible eating habit, I did mention I have gastritis problem right? It is the consequence. :( While I am emotionally getting better, my physical health is suffering from the after effects of it.

Depression aside, throughout the whole of 2013, one thing was apparent to me - I don't spend on myself as much as I used to. I always liked going to the mall and scout for my next splurge or my next fashionable must-have for me to save up and buy it. All that effort was to be noticed and for people to see how fashion forward I am and for people to praise me at how I didn't rely on my parent's money completely to buy it. Well depression does make you not have the mood to shop cos you're constantly tired but it did change my priorities. I realized that money spent on people is much better of an investment than investing on the next statement piece. What I mean is while I did not spend it on clothes or shoes or beauty products, I spend it every time my friends ask me out. At first it was to fill a 'hole' and to run away from my depression but eventually I continued enjoy spending time and having meaningful conversations with them. Not to say I did not shop but I spend when my father brings me out which is a rare occurrence, a once or twice a year kinda thing. It is enough to get fashion essentials.

So last year my perspective in a lot of things have changed. I've become simpler. I reduced my contact with people who spend their money unnecessarily. I do not feel the need to impress people or keep up with what people have because all these things make you so empty. How often do we reach out to people? How often do we really take the time to open up to people? How often do we hold ourselves accountable when people tell you difficult things? When did you last have a meaningful conversation with someone? I have a lot to learn still but last year changed my life and see how self-centered and selfish I have been. Which is why I have not been posting a lot of fashionable stuff lately. I would like to make sure my intent is to help and not impress. I would like to determine which direction I would like this blog to go. Here's to a NEW YEAR!

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