Monday, November 16, 2009
Remorse and Regret
I seriously have anger management issues. Not proud of it. But gotta admit it. The first step to be released of something is to confess it and then repentance. Anger consumed me and I acted out. Didn't think straight. Didn't think of the ripples of my actions. Now those close to me are hurt. Come to think of it, haven't been thinking straight lately. Too much going on...too much. I shall apologize to everyone. Really I am. I'm such a shit right now. It was stupid. Now everything in my perfect world is ruined. All because of one thing. Now people can't look at me the same. Unfair, because it's just one time but I accept it. I accept it no matter what. As a punishment for my wrong doings. After this, I shall take a break. Yes, a break is what I need. To settle personal issues. To let go of ALL the pent up stress for this 3 month's time. And for people to just forget about me. If only someone could just ask me how's my day...and allow me let out what's bothering me...perhaps, none of this would have happened. It IS my fault and I'm sorry but sorry does not change things. Kill me then if you hate my face so much. I'd rather you do that than for me to live right now. This pain is agonizing. And forgive me, Lord. What kind of example have I been to You anyway? Then again...I haven't been close with the Lord lately. Probably that is why. At this point of my life...there is too much going on. There are too many things that I worry about. Even little ones. Right now, I'm going to have exams, gotta polish up my assignments and balance everything out. My studies, I'm lagging behind. Far behind. And exam's next week. I'm a wreck at this point. Please, do pray for me. I am weak emotionally, physically and spiritually. It is not a pleasant feeling. Rehab is what I will need. I hope you all will accept my apology. If you don't, then it's fine. Is there anywhere I can run to?